This post is a few weeks coming, but needed. Admittedly this pregnancy was plagued with a lot more worry than my pregnancy with Nieva. Our experiences these past few years with hospitals and all the things that can go wrong... paired with many experiences by friends I was naive to years ago. All and all, it was REALLY incredible to finally be holding him and feel he had arrived safe in our arms.
For several weeks, I had been in and out of appointments and triage with scares or low fluids, contractions coming on top of each other only to disappear completely. Finally, on what was to be my last checkup before our Saturday scheduled c-section I mentioned casually he had not been moving quite as much as normal. My doctor decided to do a stress test to be safe.
Unfortunately, he failed the stress test (moving only a bit at the very end) and an ultrasound was recommended. During the ultrasound my tech had been really pretty upbeat and so I was left feeling like all was probably just fine. I proceeded to eat a small lunch I had bought quick in the lobby cafe while waiting (I realize now how dumb that was ha!).
The tech came back still looking calm and in so many words explained they were taking him. He had failed a few parameters of the Ultrasound exam test. Fluid was low, no practice breathing seen and the cord was wound twice around his neck. Shock!!! I immediately in my mind fluttered back to a conversation I'd had with a close friend that past weekend. She had mentioned a baby that had just passed in utero because the cord was wound around its neck. Ugh.... Instant anxiety.
I called Jordon, my husband, immediately to tell him to try to leave work and get to the hospital. I was checked into a room. I had completely packed the car with my hospital bag and cord blood collection kit that am. So that at least relieved some anxiety. I also called my friend, Rachel, who would hopefully be doing birth photography to give her a heads up. I was waiting to hear back on time frame of the surgeon and anesthesiologist.
Because I ate while waiting and they didn't feel there was an immediate emergency they decided to wait 8 hours. This put me at less risk if complications would occur during surgery requiring anesthesia. This also meant though that I would not get my doctor I'd been seeing the entirety of my pregnancy (more anxiety). Why did I eat... ha!
My doctor had approved a photographer for the procedure as long as the anesthesiologist was okay with it. After waiting quite some time he came in and said he was okay with it. Shortly after though, a nurse came in and informed me its against hospital policy to have more than one person in the room during the c-section and that they were denying me the ability to have a photographer. As this was something I was really excited about and had been told it was pending on only the anesthesiologist's decision, I asked to talk to someone else about this. I then wrote several photographer friends to double check as I was fairly certain I knew people who had photographed c-sections at this hospital and was completely confused why I was suddenly being told otherwise.
Sure enough my friends confirmed they had photographed c-sections there and I was left still completely confused why I was getting the run around. After a few more conversations, we were told they would make an exception since it was an important part of my birth plan and wishes and it HAD been discussed ahead of time for several months pending the anesthesiologist. Because of that decision, I have a lot of the amazing photos I get to share in this blog post, which essentially bring me to tears every time I look at them and am so so so grateful to have.
They took me back to get ready for the surgery a little after 9pm, wheeling me away. I think what I was most nervous about was the spinal not working or having bad effects. I'd had several friends tell me about botched numbing that was painful. Truth be told though I felt nothing of the spinal. The anesthesiologist was amazing. He said I'd feel a bee sting like prick to numb the area. After that, I assume they administered the spinal quickly and then had me lie down for the procedure. A small curtain was up (I decided against asking about clear or no curtain since I am squeamish seeing blood). I had asked for them to explain the basics of what was going on or a sort of play by play.
Finally, Jordon and Rachel were given the go ahead to come in in their full gowned up attire. I think what was the most unexpected for me in the early stage was that I was indeed NOT completely numb. As they had explained, you feel pressure during a c-section. What I wasn't prepared for was how uncomfortable that pressure was (cue anxiety). Thankfully, though they were skilled and quick and within what seemed like only minutes they announced they would be taking him out in moments.
The most amazing sound in the entire world was hearing his cry. 9:42pm, 7lbs 7oz. 19.5 inches long. They lifted him over the curtain while they waited to do cord clamping and cord blood/placenta collection (for stem cell storage for Nieva). After the one minute delayed cord clamping they announced they were sorting the cord blood and placenta collection and that it had been done successfully (We just got confirmation yesterday from the storage facility that the collections were successful). Life Blood USA is who we went through and since we had a child who had had blood cancer, they agreed to pay for the collection and to store it for free for Nieva for 5 years. The stem cells may be able to be used for bone marrow transplants or potentially other treatment options in the horrible event she would relapse (Hopeful we will never have need for it and can eventually donate it).
After a terribly painful delivery with my first, I was in no great place to appreciate any of the little amazing things taking place in the moments after delivery. It was SO amazing to hear him cry and hear them announce he looked great and then be able to see them as they quick laid him on the warmer to weigh him. A quick timer was set as the hospital makes them keep c-section babies on the warmer briefly before they can do skin to skin. Thankfully the no longer require your hands to be tied down during the surgery so I had been able to hold Jordon's hand and hold baby.
Finally a few minutes later, they put him in my arms. I remember just feeling like it was all very surreal. A rush of emotion. This sweet boy I'd waited so long to stare into the eyes of. He was there. So incredible!!!
I unfortunately couldn't hold him the entirety of the remainder of the surgery as the pressure was really uncomfortable and I was nervous I may startle and drop him, but it was amazing I got to hold him right away and feel him and see him. As soon as they finished, I got to hold him as they wheeled me to recovery. Unfortunately, one of the nurses didn't get the memo on the birth plan (or apparently hear my husband remind them) that I did not want the vernix washed off right away (studies show the good bacteria in the vernix should be rubbed into their skin, not washed off). I was really frustrated by this as it had been approved (reasons I guess a doula is still helpful in a c-section to advocate and keep an extra set of eyes on things). They did however delay eye ointment, bath and some other procedures for later so we could have more immediate bonding time which I was really appreciative of. Overall, it was really great the hospital allowed for so many things that allowed the experience to simulate a natural birth more closely.
Like with Nieva he nursed almost immediately in recovery, which was really exciting. After an hour, they allowed Nieva to come in and see him and roughly another hour later allowed my parents to come in and see him as well. Nieva stayed in our room that first night. It was after 2am when we finally got wheeled to our room. Not shockingly of me I did not sleep that night at all. I got to hold my little guy and process the crazy day that had unfolded.
Our years as of late have been heavy. You would think in the aftermath of childhood cancer that we are the happiest people in the world. Overjoyed that we still have our daughter and she is healthy and to have been gifted this new sweet boy that was on the way. The raw truth though is that we have been tired. Shell shocked perhaps. And though immeasurably thankful, still deeply pained by the many families we got to know that do not get to tuck in their kids at night. Heartbroken for the many couples that have been trying for a new baby and either cannot conceive or have lost babies early or in delivery or in those first precious months (I know the simultaneous joy and pain I felt in looking at birth photos when I wasn't sure I'd ever experience another one). I don't think feeling pain for these situations negates the excitement we have right now. We are immeasurably blessed in the moments of these past months and incredibly grateful to God for this family of four that I am a part of. I close this post noting that we are sharing these beautiful images because they are such a bright glimmer in the timeline of our lives. We hope wherever you are in your journey you can share these moments of happiness with us. Its been a wild ride!
All images taken by our friend Rachel of Rachel Ebel Photography
