(Originally posted May 1, 2014)

Well... Today is a milestone of sorts. One Year since Nieva was diagnosed with Leukemia. I can remember back. Its eerie that late last night there were snowflakes fluttering since last year on this day a blanket of snow covered the ground. Not a normal May Day..... I remember looking at the snow. I even took a photo and published it to facebook with a comment. So odd. Nieva's name means "It's snowing" in Spanish.

This has been a very hard year for us. That is not something I could contest or try to pretend about. You will hear people say through great sorrow and hardship, good will come too. We are incredibly grateful she is here today. Immeasurably blessed just by her beaming smiles. We are still dealing with a lot of issues that arose because of this diagnosis, but we also have gotten through a lot. People will choose to be impatient, not understand, not see the big picture at all times and I have had to come to terms and see that as okay. I have learned to have grace. That I am only one person. That many people are amazing and good... but some people will not understand. There is nothing more I can do than my best through all of this. Being a perfectionist... this has had a toll on me. But I am learning to accept it. And am thankful for life starting to have normalcy.

I have cut back side projects and been focusing more on reconnecting. I have been trying to be home more. Present. We are getting caught up on things. Having moments to breathe.

A year ago Jordon and I were two workaholics... working endless hours... Running every which way at 100 mph. Nieva was shuffled here, there, and everywhere. No stability. She wasn't happy. But it felt like with every hour or project added maybe we were closer to something better. Pay another bill, money for something else, another goal accomplished, making people happy. Its horrible how an instant can tear down your understanding of the world and last May brought into such perspective for our family how we both needed to slow down, yet at the same time how we were in need then more than ever. Since swimming through that paradox, we have reached some conclusions... there will always be bills. "Things" don't really matter like relationships and people. And relationships and people need to be nurtured. A sick child even more so.

I feel we have become closer as a family, and those priorities have realigned to where they always should have been. I feel a lot of people have reached out over the year trying to express "This isn't God's fault". I suppose it may be natural for people to assume someone going through hardship would place blame on God? I have to say though... despite what people may assume... I have not at any point been angry with God this past year. In fact, that is one of the places I have found the most peace and comfort.

I truly believe God worked in me this past year. He worked in all of us. Helping and healing through this all. I do not believe God makes bad things happen. I believe we as humans have a long ways to go in caring better for this planet. Pesticides in fields and in the home of parents... Number one environmental link to children's cancer. Benzene in things like paint.... Number two link...... Both of us grew up bordering corn fields sprayed with pesticides... Today our home borders a corn field..... I also did a lot of painting before and while pregnant... There is no way to know for sure what caused her cancer, but there is a need for a paradigm shift in this world overtaken by dangerous chemicals.

Where is Nieva in all of this? I don't think in a bad place. In fact, I am not sure she really understands on a lot of levels. She will be 4 in August. She is still just a baby in my eyes. When she doesn't feel good, she doesn't feel good. When she can't sleep, she can't sleep. We take it a day at a time. And she understands things and accepts them a day at a time. All in all she is wonderful. She is a jokester, happy go lucky, and sweet natured. I see great things from this child. A large personality in her tiny body. SO much love.

We continue to pray for Nieva's continued healing. And we pray that the next year and 7 months will pass without incident for Nieva and be the end of her personal suffering with cancer. In closing, thanks again to all who have lifted us up, helped, prayed, and so forth. Please continue praying. We are blessed by so many of you.